It gives me great pleasure to have a guest blogger with us today.
Warning: If you don't have a funny bone in your body, stop reading right now.
Welcome to my humble blog post. And thank you Misskay for your cosy blog space.
I’m the ultimate source of gyan for all things fashion… not. I’m an absolute fashion “differently abled” and every time I pronounce Louis Vuitton, a fashion fairy dies. But the fourth law of the Internet clearly states that
“Every individual with internet access shall be deemed an expert on
4.1 All subjects fathomable to him/her.
4.2 All subjects fathomable to anyone on the internet.”
So here I am. And if by some bleak chance you’re still reading, so are you. Also, if by some bleak chance you happen to be a guy, I’ve got fashion tips for you. Here goes nothing.
1) Bathe Everyday
Very important. A fashion must really. Don’t conserve water here. And those of you going “I do bathe everyday”, I say let’s talk off the record. I know about the days you skipped it and sprinkled water onto your head. Dude, you ain’t fooling no one. I also know about the 10 day streaks in December that you abstained from letting the unholy elements of water and soap tarnish the purity of the divine temple of dirt, dried sweat and diverse micro flora that your body had become. Just bathe and be done with it.
And use soap.
2) Brush your teeth Everyday
The thick layer of plaque on your teeth is not really the most attractive thing. When you smile the smile that causes them to faint, make sure it’s not because the foul breath knocked them unconscious. And to those going “I do...” do we really need to go over it again and again? Brush your teeth. It’s that simple.
At night too. Before you go to bed. The appointment you have with the female cast of Baywatch will go much better if you lose that last piece of Chicken Tikka out of the space between your molars. Admitted, it’s more challenging to keep at it yourself, trying to dislodge it using your tongue. With all the strategy and positioning that goes into it, it’s a wonder it hasn’t been declared a sport already, complete with a prize treat at the end. But let’s save that for special occasions and keep to the bristles of a toothbrush.
While you’re at it, invest in a good tongue cleaner. Cleaner tongue, better breath. ‘nuff said.
3) Cut your nails
See the thing about nails is, they tend to grow. So you need to cut them. Then they’ll grow again. Then you’ll have to cut them again. Repeat… for life. I’d like to place emphasis on ‘cut’, as opposed to ‘bite to approximately the appropriate size and forget about it’. Real men use nail cutters, if that works for you. By the way, if it does, real men also lend me five hundred bucks when I ask them, no questions asked and maybe leave some positive comments at the end of the post.
4) Wash your face
You know what’s better than a dirty face? A clean face. Takes very little effort and has a huge returns : effort ratio as compared to bathing. I’d say do it a couple of times a day. Because even if you’re going to talk crap, atleast you should look as good as Rahul baba does. So keep washing your face. And empowering women. And passing the RTI. And bringing youth into politics.
5) Don’t bathe with deodorant
We both know you’re going to flat out ignore the first tip. And after a while, you won’t be smelling of the dew on the grass by the Himalayan springs. Even so, don’t soak yourself in the sauna of deodorant you prepare for yourself. Real men don’t do that. They use only a reasonable amount and then leave some positive comments at the end of the post (Ignore the subtle subliminal message here).
6) Don’t wear Sports shoes with Trousers
Don’t ask me why, my mom said so. (Editor's note: I told him too)
7) Did I say 7?
Oh! I’ve only got 6. But isn’t seven the most powerfully magical number? Between you and me, let’s just pretend this is a fashion tip. It’ll be our little secret.
So this is the key to all things fashion. Follow these meticulously and you’ll have the ladies swooning over you. Or not. I wouldn't know, I’m an engineer. (Not yet)
About the Author
Bhanu Kharbanda is a star undergraduate at BITS Pilani where he (allegedly) studies all sorts of things. His passions include photography, writing, playing guitar, doing “science stuff” and definitely not fashion. He is also slightly weird and sometimes refers to himself in the third person.
We really hope we haven't offended anyone with this post. It was just meant for a few laughs, or well in this case a laughter riot.
Please do leave comments or he may never speak to me.(Actually that doesn't sound too bad)
P.S you can read my first guest post on Get Set Blush blog. Click here.